Share Your Story in the Beauty in Breastfeeding Project.
Each Monday, we’re sharing stories of the personal breastfeeding journeys of mothers throughout the State of Utah in cooperation with the Beauty in Breastfeeding Project. Read our earlier article to find out more about this initiative that celebrates breastfeeding mothers. To share your own story, visit www.beautyinbreastfeedingproject.com.
When we decided to start this project our goal was to provide stories from so many moms with different experiences. A place for moms to know they weren’t alone throughout this journey.
I wanted to share my story with all of you.
I always knew from a young age that I wanted to be a mom. It was something I always wanted. When my husband and I were married we wanted a family but life provided an obstacle we never thought we would have to face…unexplained infertility. Years of fertility drugs, thousands of dollars, countless doctors appointments we were finally blessed with our daughter through a successful IVF.
I was finally a mom and I wanted to provide the very best for my daughter. I knew I wanted to breastfeed but I didn’t realize how difficult it was. How it was such a strong commitment and not an easy road to travel down. I felt the pressure from other moms to breastfeed, I felt a demand in a way by being told breast is best, you need to keep trying, don’t give her formula. I became stressed, my supply dropped and I was uncomfortable feeding in public or even in front of my own husband. I allowed societies looks, comments and views on breastfeeding control my own personal feelings.
I look back and kick myself sometimes because I allowed others views and my self doubt to stop me from doing something I really wanted. I’ve told myself if we were to ever have another child I wouldn’t allow myself to fall into that trap again.
By the time my daughter was 3 months I had quit breastfeeding and tried pumping. I would schedule my day around feedings so I could hurry home and pump in a quiet room alone. I hated it. I finally quit all together by the time she was 6 months. That’s when we learned an unexpected gift was coming…our son!
I vowed that this time I wouldn’t allow the pressure to get to me. If I wanted to feed my child in the middle of the mall I would. I would go out and feed in public instead of having to hurry home.
My dreams came crashing down after our son was born. The pressure of two babies 15 months apart was so stressful. I was tired, I was suffering from post partum and my supply had dropped dramatically. I was embarrassed to ask for help since I thought this was something I was supposed to do. But I couldn’t. I tried to pump during the day when I returned to work and felt so discouraged when I would hear other moms talk about how they produced 8+ ounces in one pumping session and I was behind the curtain crying because I had about 1 ounce. I decided to quit. I couldn’t keep up with the demand of my son and I knew formula was okay.
I look back and kick myself sometimes because I allowed others views and my self doubt to stop me from doing something I really wanted. I’ve told myself if we were to ever have another child I wouldn’t allow myself to fall into that trap again. If I can breastfeed another baby I would be thrilled. If I couldn’t that’s okay, too and I wouldn’t allow those telling me I am giving up or I should try harder to affect my decision. Each pregnancy, each baby, each person is different. We are all mothers trying to do what is best for our children and sometimes those bumps in the road are there for a reason. We shouldn’t compare ourselves in ounces pumped, or if one breastfeeds and the other has formula. We should know we aren’t alone and that our main goal is loving ourselves and family.
Want to share your story? Send your email address and we’ll be in contact.
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