Share Your Story in the Beauty in Breastfeeding Project

Each Monday, we’re sharing stories of the personal breastfeeding journeys of mothers throughout the State of Utah in cooperation with the Beauty in Breastfeeding Project. Read our earlier article to find out more about this initiative that celebrates breastfeeding mothers. To share your own story, visit www.beautyinbreastfeedingproject.com.

Nursing for me is about holding those little hands and staring into those big blue eyes. It’s about sacrificing my body for my babies and feeling their little toes massaging my squishy, wrinkly mama tummy. It’s about rolling over in the middle of the night and latching the baby on without fully waking up and more sleep for everyone (hallelujah). Snacking all day every day and drinking water constantly. Eating oatmeal and taking fenugreek and bringing a pump along on dates. It’s about hearing someone else’s baby in Target and hoping I wore nursing pads that day and always wondering which side I left off on.

For a long time, it was about balancing sanity and everyone telling me not to nurse her to sleep. It was about making it to 6 months and then a year and then throwing goals out the window and just enjoying. It was about convenience and never having to worry how much milk she’d need and saving money by feeding her with my own body! Nursing meant staying close by and planning way ahead when I needed to leave her to pump several times just for a few ounces, and scalding the milk to counteract a lipase issue.

Nursing a toddler is a hoot. Big sister announced to the dinner table when my milk came in. She also sweetly thanks me for nursing her often. She also says my breast pump sounds like it’s saying ‘vinegar’ when it’s running. When will we be done? Hard to say.

I nursed my daughter throughout my pregnancy long after my milk supply was gone. It’s never been a quick fix for tantrums or boo-boos and has never been about spoiling her. It was about cuddles on the couch during awful morning sickness. Helping transition out of Mom and Dad’s bed and into her own room. It also meant setting limits and nursing to the count of ten or the end of a song or rocking with Daddy instead. I nursed her during her brother’s labor and it was what made my contractions long and strong and also helped me relax.

Nursing a toddler is a hoot. Big sister announced to the dinner table when my milk came in. She also sweetly thanks me for nursing her often. She also says my breast pump sounds like it’s saying ‘vinegar’ when it’s running. When will we be done? Hard to say.

Tandem nursing is an adventure. It doesn’t mean the journey’s easy because I’ve done it once before. It meant latching and relatching and relatching again with my new baby boy until everything looked right- and starting all over at the next feeding. It means reminding sister to let the baby nurse first and reading book after book on the couch with a lap full of children. It’s about one last snuggle after brother is already in bed. It’s been about what’s best for us and our family and not at all about what anyone else thinks or says. Too old because they can ask for it? They each asked for it the day they were born with their rooting reflexes and those tiny little whimpers.

My husband’s been my biggest cheerleader- changing the baby in the middle of the night and handing them over to nurse. Bringing me my water bottle as I sit in the rocking chair for the thousandth time. Leaning over during church as I try to discreetly nurse a noisy suckler and whispering, “Thank you for feeding our baby.” Never once asking, “How long are you going to do this, anyway?”.

Nursing for me is about letting others see how a baby gets fed. Fighting for other mamas who feel like giving up. Not covering up with a blanket or going to the bathroom stall even when I’m nervous or getting dirty looks. It’s about maintaining modesty and purity while also letting my baby eat comfortably. Nursing for me isn’t a spectacle or a show. It’s normalizing something that should have never become anything but normal.

Nursing is one of the hardest and most wonderful things I’ve ever done and I’m so grateful to be able to nurse my babies.